ExIf Necessity

When it comes to photographic metadata I am obsessive. If an application modifies my ExIf data without telling me, then I am annoyed. This has become increasingly apparent to me recently with some of the tasks that I have attempted to accomplish and their outcome.

First of all, several weeks ago I attempted to program GPS data handling into ExIf35 so that I could add geodata to my scanned film negatives to include their exposure data and other relevant details. I quickly discovered that to do so would be very complicated and probably not worth my trouble to write due to the poor support for certain types of numbers in Microsoft’s .NET languages. As a result I decided to rely on an old application that I have often used for geotagging my photos, RoboGeo. RoboGeo is a very nice application in that I can add locations from a tracklog, direct from a device or by a variety of manual input methods. I was annoyed when I discovered that by default the application writes its own name to the Software line of the ExIf data. I have no clue what the original interpretation of that particular field was, but in my interpretation it was intended to be used to record the name of the application that last made changes to the geometry or content of the image itself, not just the metadata. That being said, ExIf35 slightly violates that thought because when it writes the metadata it does record itself on the Software line, but I feel differently about that because there is no originating camera data. Luckily I can turn off RoboGeo’s annoying Exif entry and it will leave the metadata intact except for the notes regarding the GPS location that it writes itself.

The next problem I had regarding Exif recently was in searching for a decent watermarking application for iPad. I tried one application and it worked very well, except that it seemed to remove all metadata from the file (ALL metadata, including created date). I tried another application, the next application didn’t work as well as the first and still eliminated the Exif data. I’m not sure if the programmers of these apps are just lazy or if there is something in the iOS SDK that prevents developers from properly copying the data, but it is rather concerning. I rely on Exif data to provide GPS location of photos, to tell me when they were taken and to give me some idea of shutter speeds and apertures that were used.

For me a photo without ExIf data is a bit like having only a raw image without its backing identity. Without Exif there is very little that binds the photo to the device that made it or to the creator.

Film and Developer from a Novice Perspective

I have been working with film photography off and on for about 2 years now, since about March 2010. I have used a variety of films and chemicals since the beginning. I am now slowly learning what everything I have been working with does and how each element impacts the outcome of the final image.

One of the things I have learned most recently is that contrary to the film to digital sensor analogy, noise/grain in images are not entirely the responsibility of the film. It seems that a fine grain film is only as good as the developer it is used with. I was wondering why different film I was processing had similar attributes, apparently it is a result of the developer. Processing Neopan 400 and processing HP5+ should not look very similar, each have their own characteristics, but yet some of the flaws I was running into with one was also occurring with the other.

I began processing film with a very basic developer that I acquired from Adorama. That was ok for the first roll or two, but I quickly learned that it was much too harsh and didn’t work as well as I would like for making images that could be preserved as components of my artistic portfolio. I then moved to Kodak’s D-76 at the suggestion and urging of many film photographers. I am somewhat happy with the results from D76. It is efficient and produces a moderate size grain on the negative. The problem comes with my needs for enlargement and high-resolution digital storage of the image. D76 is not fine enough for what I’m looking for as I’m often disappointed with the way that my images come out when I look at them at full size. After much reading I have decided to try Ilford’s ID-11. I was tempted to try Perceptol, but it seems a little excessive, being described as a “very fine” grain developer that can easily push process up to 2 steps on all film or 4 steps on Ilford film. Perceptol is an expensive developer which is described in a way that makes it seem overkill for my needs. ID-11 on the other hand seems like it will be a perfect match for Delta 400 as well as HP5+.

As for film, I have used several different film: Fujifilm Neopan 400, Ilford HP5+, Kodak Tri-X 125 (ISO 125 film) and now Ilford Delta 400. Each film has different characteristics. Neopan has fairly even toning, but doesn’t seem to reach true white or true black unless processing is either pushed or pulled. Neopan also suffers from large grain which makes the image itself less sharp than it should be given the speed at which they have been shot. The handling of the range is not always that good either as it sometimes seems more sensitive to light spots than to the dark. HP5+ seems to have the opposite problem, it is usually better at handling darks than lights. An interesting thing I have noticed about HP5+ is that its grain is somewhat more pronounced than that of Neopan 400, but yet the grain is less distracting and does not seem to distort the image the way that Neopan does. I also feel like the tonal handling of HP5+ is a little flat. Exposures come out pretty even, but it is almost too balanced, there is a lot of grey and not much black or white. Ilford Delta 400 I have only processed one roll of and I am not really sure what I think of it yet. My first impression is that it does not favor the grey region as much as HP5+ does, nor does it have a favoring of bright spots like Neopan 400. Delta 400 uses black and white pretty uniformly and there are clear white and black regions of the film. Delta 400 also has a very clean grain. It looks almost silky in appearance and seems to handle most things pretty well, including macro photography (which seems to come out badly on most other film).

Ilford Delta 400 Professional

Ilford HP5+

Fujifilm Neopan 400

Safe Spaces

Many things have come together today to make me think about the relationship between identity and space. The first prompting of these thoughts was in an article that I was reading (Bell, David, et al. "All Hyped Up And No Place To Go." Gender, Place and Culture (1994): 31-47.), and then another was in a discussion with a friend who is concerned about his difference from what he perceives as the norms of society around him.

The only true safe space is in a private space, but I’m not even sure that is certain. “Safe” is entirely relative when it comes to identity presentation.

When I think about the many aspects of my own identity and how I present them at various times and various places I realize that a large amount of who I am is kept in silence and not revealed outwardly. Around my hometown I feel as though I must present myself in a very straight way, I cannot show affection to my boyfriend or allow any hint of my sexuality to be detected. I do not attempt to enact a form of heterosexual drag as some people may feel they need to, but I also do not present myself in my true form. I am a silent queer when I am in general public. When I am on campus things are a bit different. I feel comfortable displaying affection and generally allowing myself to be gay, I don’t have any fear of what anyone might say or do. I know of very few acts of hate-related violence on the campus and in general I feel safe on campus. I do however still reserve parts of my identity that I might classify as “kinky”. Those are not safe for public display or public acknowledgement yet. However, that is dramatically different when I am in the sociology office or am interacting with my cohort. I suppose you could say that I am as out as is possible (including some T.M.I. details in some cases) with that group. I grew close to them very quickly and they made their acceptance of different identities known.  This is not particularly common though, as I have been in classes and environments where I did not feel safe to be myself at all in a small group situation. Classes outside of sociology and gender studies I find myself in mixed company and while the overall attitude of the campus is fairly accepting I just cannot convince myself to be open when it is a group that I will have to have frequent interactions with. The strongest examples of this were my courses in cognitive science last spring where I was in a mixed group of psychology and computer science students. Oddly, I was more comfortable in HCI than the more interdisciplinary Intro to CogSci class.

It concerns me that I do not have a clear conception of how each “space” that I interact with becomes “safe” or “unsafe”. Many of my judgments are not based on any sort of empirical data, just a vague concept of the beliefs and attitudes in those spaces.

An interesting thought from the paper I mentioned before, by default all spaces are constructed as being heterosexual until such time as they are queered and become something other than heterosexual (Bell, David, et.al.). I’m not sure I completely agree that all spaces are constructed as sexualized, as there are some spaces that are constructed as completely asexual and any perversion therein causes great social discomfort for all involved (public restrooms is a key example). Whereas there are some spaces I agree fully that they are sexualized and that they are strongly heterosexual, regardless of numerous attempts to queer them and appropriate the spaces for homosexual or homoerotic purposes (such as men’s locker rooms).  I think of spaces such as classrooms as sexually agnostic by default. Their sexualization is based upon whoever inhabits the room at a given time. If a classroom is inhabited by a Baptist-lead bible club on Friday, but is inhabited by an LGBT class on Tuesday, the space is itself not defined for either group until such time as that group collects in the room and asserts a particular social atmosphere for the space. That being said, there is no guarantee that the classroom is a true safe space when inhabited by the LGBT class, in my experience such classrooms can become very unsafe for heterosexuals. If the heterosexuals in the space are not physically unsafe, then they are still at risk of marginalization and violent deconstruction of their very existence in that space. A true safe space must by definition be a space where anyone, regardless of identity can be themselves without fear of persecution or radical social violence. 

Frustration with Amazon.com’s Add-On Program

I am an Amazon Prime customer and have been for several years. I am accustomed to getting the best customer service experience that Amazon can offer. Unfortunately that has become a far worse experience in the past few months as a result of Amazon’s “new” Add-On Program.

First thing to note about “Add-On”: the basis for the program is a lie. New items are not suddenly available because of the program. Most of the items that are in the category of “add-on” used to be available as standard Prime items. It is possible that Amazon now has to make the items “add-on” to be able to continue cost-effectively offering them for sale them for sale, but they were previously available as Prime items. It should also be noted that in my experience (through Chris), add-on items will sometimes be shipped by themselves or with other add-on items inside of the same order. There is no cost-cutting in this approach, only an encouragement to buy more in the same order. One thing that Amazon should realize about Prime customers at this point is that we are not just looking for the great deal on shipping, we are fond of Amazon’s inventory, speed of processing orders and accuracy of processing orders. Amazon’s customer service in general cannot beaten. Therefore Prime customers are loyal and likely individually spend enough to cover our usage of shipping for smaller items without having to penalize us.

The really irritating part of “Add-on” is that there is no way to buy an item that is in the program without ordering $25 of merchandise. I’m not sure how other Prime members feel, but I personally would be willing to pay Amazon the $0.95 or $1.50 that most add-on items would require for being shipped through conventional methods when I do not meet the $25 requirement. I also feel that it should be reasonable to allow customers to order any other Prime eligible item at the same time as the add-on and get free shipping on both items, it just makes logistical sense.

My most recent frustration with the add-on program came when attempting to check on film that I am interested in purchasing. I wanted the Ilford Delta Pro 400 film in 36 exposures, but also noticed the 24 exposure variety and became aware of the difference in shipping options for each one. I wanted the 36, but decided to see how restrictive the add-on program is for this type of item. I added the 24 exposure to my cart and adjusted the quantity to be 7 rolls, which would take me just over the $25 mark. To my surprise Amazon informed me that I was not allowed to buy that quantity of the item. This really frustrates me, as I have never run into a situation where I have been told that I can’t buy the quantity of an item that I want from Amazon (as long as quantity is in stock).

Between the add-on program, recent changes in the return and exchanges procedures and a variety of other “quirks” about the customer service process I am becoming more hostile toward Amazon and am beginning to question the value of remaining a Prime member.

Example of an arbitrary assignment of an item to “Prime” or “Add-on” programs":

In the confines of identity

As a member of various fetish and BDSM communities I have been silent on the topic of identity related to those communities, primarily because the unity of identity is important to the salience of the community and to the continuance of an open and supportive environment for those who feel that they have a sexual identity that does not reflect those that are portrayed in popular media. As a child growing up in the South I did not exactly have an environment that was open and accepting of homosexuals or any other form of queerness and as such I recognize the importance of there being the presence (or at least the illusion) of a community for those who do not seem to fit in with the normative world and their geographic community’s “standards”.

As an academic, feminist, queer theorist and supporter of universal equality I can no longer stand by silently and allow some of the behaviors and assumptions of those communities go without critique. While the BDSM and fetish communities may seem open and welcoming to many, especially those who make personal contact with someone in the community, to others it can be frightening. Imagine just becoming aware of your sexuality, realizing that leather and some forms of bondage excite you, or at the very least it is something you are curious about and attempting to discover if there are others like you only to be greeted with imagery of men clad entirely in leather with violent themes of whipping, flogging and other forms of domination. That is a very strong image that the BDSM community portrays and to someone just exploring that can be somewhat overwhelming and also cause a bit of concern coming from a normative background and being faced with the potential that you must accept that imagery as a potential part of yourself. While ultimately the person will navigate the imagery and find his or her own place, that initial presentation combined with assumptions of normativity can be concerning.

Initial contact with the community aside, the community’s views and assumptions are very narrow. Once a person is initiated into the community there is the typical question of “are you top or bottom?” or “are you dom or sub?” or any of thousands of other phrasings of asking the same question. The duality of the question requires the individual to answer one option or the other, and for some it must become an identity that they accept and live with for their duration of their interaction with the community. The question assumes that there are only two options. While many of us do know better, we know the secret of door #3, the door precariously labeled “switch”. In our community though, how do we treat “switch”? It has a negative connotation, usually reserved for bi-sexuals or “curious” individuals (a topic for another post). Even the name “switch” implies that there is no hybridity, only two options which a person must choose from when approaching another person. The identity roles involved in the D/S component of BDSM are too easy to fall back on for both BDSM and fetish players/participants. Bondage & Discipline do not imply that there must be a separation of the identities, only imply that there will be an active role and a more passive role, but the duration is not specified. It does not have to be for a lifetime, an evening, a session or even for a moment. It is entirely possible for the roles to overlap somewhat at the same time, so there is no need to restrict the roles. This applies similarly to the sadism/masochism component as well. While temporarily is not a real limiting factor of the D/S component, the general functioning of the D/S community does rely on roles that are either static, predictable or situationally determined (competition for dominance). Dominance and submission has overflown from its own space to all aspects of BDSM (B/D, D/S, S/M) and even into fetish. In this overflow of identity upon other identity it is clear that identity has become a more central component of the community than the experience. The experience should not be lost for the good of the identity or else the identity is worthless.

Now to step back a moment. In this argument I am not saying that people who identify as 100% dominant or 100% submissive are in any way wrong for their desires and feelings. They should be able to express themselves just as much as anyone else, but I believe that any space between has been disregarded. Anyone identifying as having a fetish or BDSM interest is assumed to also carry a D/S identity or to embrace many aspects of the community when in fact it is also possible for a person to only be interested in limited aspects.

Another problem, somewhat more minor, but still present is the “hardcore” identity which exists inside the walled garden of BDSM. I don’t know if it is a hold-over from radical gay liberation, an attempt to defend a certain type of masculinity or if it is simply a matter of pride, but it is another aspect which causes me concern regarding maintaining equality. “Hardcore” players perceive themselves are better or being more authentic than those who are not “hardcore” players. Living the lifestyle 24/7 is sometimes looked upon as a privileged position on both sides, but is it “real” or is it an extended performance? My personal view is that participants who have adopted a 24/7 approach to their interests are not more legitimate or more authentic than those who play on the weekends or those who keep a box of toys under the bed and play occasionally. Being 24/7 also does not de-legitimate you or mean that you are in some sort of extended erotic illusion. It is all simply a matter of how you interpret yourself, the type of life you want for yourself and the identity that you carry.

The bottom line (or summary for those of you who looked at all that text and shook your head): There are a multitude of identities in the BDSM and fetish communities, there is no reason that there exist assumptions about identity or interests or that the community allow only the dominance/submission group be the presenting face.

Why “Husband” and “Wife” Are Bad

In same-sex couples who have legally married or have otherwise committed themselves to each other it seems common for them to refer to each other as “husband” or “wife”, but I have a problem with that terminology.

The terms “husband” and “wife” are not just gendered terms, they have socially been given different meanings. There is an implication of dominance of the husband upon the wife in heterosexual couples. The terms are highly outdated in most opposite-sex couples and in all same-sex. In my opinion, if your vows do not include the words “to obey”, then the terms are outdated and represent a backward interpretation of a social construct. The terms “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” imply a certain closeness of relationship (but there is no implication of permanence)  and the terms are gendered, but they are not constructed as being unequal. Fiancé, existing as a somewhat more modern term, accomplishes the task of being non-gendered (should we expect any different from the French?) and does not have any unequal connotation. It too is limited by the fact that it does not provide for permanence, only the intention to make permanent.

The terms “husband” and “wife” are not meant as gendered equals, but instead have a strong historical and cultural meaning of imbalance, one in which the wife is property and the husband is the master of the house and the family. Modern families do not seem to have these qualities very often and as such, it seems as though a more equitable terminology would be preferred. As much as I hate the general term “partner”, in the limited socio-linguistic resources we are provided for relationships of such closeness it does seem to be the best fit.

I do not know why these types of linguistic things bother me, all language is artificial anyway and as such words can only have the meaning which is assigned to them socially. The issue for me I suppose is the fact that the socially created meaning does take on a form of reality which directly embodies the psychological representation of that meaning.

Spring 2013 Semester Overload

As a graduate student it is recommended that I take 9 credit hours, a maximum of 12 is allowed. At the current time I am interested in or have been offered 21 hours.

Spring 2013
Code
Course
School
HR
GR
CSLG7600 Sexual Orientation Diversity in Clinical Practice
UNC Charlotte
 3
SOCY6652 Issues in Social Research
UNC Charlotte
 3
SOCY6635 The Social Context of Mental Health
UNC Charlotte
 3
SOCY6651 Social Theory
UNC Charlotte
 3
PHIL6060 IS: Existentialism
UNC Charlotte
 3
SOCY6090 Field Experience in Qualitative Research
UNC Charlotte
 3
ITIS6010 Tangible Design Studio
UNC Charlotte
 3
Total Hours:
21.0
GPA:
NA

 

When I originally inquired and was authorized to take CSGL7600 I was not in the Sociology degree program and therefore had spare hours to burn, potentially toward a Master of Arts in Liberal Studies. Since things have changed, I will likely not pursue this course any longer. The area still interests me, but I do not feel that it will add anything to my current program or help me develop any skills for upcoming projects (thesis, etc).

Existentialism was a course that I so badly wanted to take when I still had free elective space for Spring, but now I’m not sure, I don’t think it will work out for this particular semester. I fought with administrative politics to get authorization to do the course and now it seems as though it just won’t work out.

Social Theory and Issues in Social Research are required courses for my program. I would love to slip out of one of them to make room for other courses, but I will have to discuss that with my graduate coordinator.

The remainder are courses that I will have to fight between to determine which courses I ultimately will take during the spring. Social Context of Mental Health I would love to do, especially since I am not taking the counseling course. The Field Experience course counts as a research credit and is actually a course I am looking forward to taking, it should be very hands on. Tangible Design Studio is the course that has lead to me applying to the Master of Science in Information Technology. If by some chance I am not admitted to the program this course looses priority on my list, but I will likely still try to take it as a course for my Cognitive Science certificate.

The course descriptions appear below:

Sexual Orientation Diversity in Clinical Practice [CSLG7600]
The course considers the experience of being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered in our society. Theoretical understandings of sexual orientation are covered, as well as the impact of societal prejudice on gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered individuals and their communities. The experience of diversity with such communities is discussed, especially racial/ethnic diversity. Exploration of individual values combines with an emphasis on clinical practice to make this course relevant both personally and professionally. — 3 hours

Planned

Issues in Social Research [SOCY6652]
Lisa S. Walker
Examination of epistemology of social research; assumptions and methods of specific research strategies; ethical and policy issues of applied and academic research — 3 hours

Planned

The Social Context of Mental Health [SOCY6635]
This course draws upon contributions from the field of psychiatry, psychology, social work, and anthropology. The focus is on mental health and illness it is social context, with an emphasis on the relationship between social structure and mental health/disorder. We will examine the social factors which shape psychiatric diagnosis, the effects of socio-demographic variables on mental health, and the role of social support and stress for different groups. The course also examines the organization, delivery, and evaluation of mental health services, and mental health care policy. — 3 hours

Planned

Social Theory [SOCY6651]
Dr. Murray Webster
Analysis of contemporary social theories, with emphasis on their implications for planned change. — 3 hours

Planned

IS: Existentialism [PHIL6060]
Existentialist tradition in philosophy and literature including such issues as: authenticity, absurdity and the meaning of life, freedom and morality, anguish, death, and atheism. — 3 hours

Planned

Field Experience in Qualitative Research [SOCY6090]
Field Experience in Qualitative Research is designed to familiarize students with key theoretical issues, research design decisions, logistical and practical considerations of qualitative research through hands-on research activities related to the Roots of STEM project. The Roots of STEM Project is a National Science Foundation funded study of the pathways to a science, technology, engineering or mathematics major among college students attending the 16 campuses of the UNC system. The course is designed as part of the qualitative phase of the Roots Project, during which researchers will employ semi-structured, in-depth interviews to obtain the answers to the research questions of interest that were generated, in part, by the quantitative findings from the first phase of the project. — 3 hours

Planned

Tangible Design Studio [ITIS6010]
Tangible computing incorporates gesture, grasping, and the use of physical objects as integral parts of interaction design. Comparing graphic user interfaces with tangible user interfaces shows that this change in perception and action changes cognition – providing opportunities for designing digital environments that have a dramatically different impact on how we think and interact. In this course you will learn about different approaches to tangible computing such as siftables, AR toolkit, the Samsung Pixelsense tabletop computer, and Microsoft Kinect. The course will be taught as a design studio: 1 hour per week in a classroom setting and 2 hours per week in a studio with tangible devices that you will learn to program. The assessment for the course is a design project, including design reports and a prototype implementation. Assumed background: programming course or experience, ITIS3130 or equivalent — 3 hours

Planned

Sociology and Information Technology

I have mentioned to several people that I have applied for the Master of Science in Information Technology recently. ALL of them have asked one of two questions: 1. Why are you leaving sociology? 2. Are you leaving sociology?

The answers to these questions are: 1. I’m not, 2. No.

To make this make more sense, I’m going to give a little background on how I have arrived at my current decision. A few weeks ago I received a message from a prior instructor who taught my Principles of Human-Computer Interaction course, announcing and inviting me to take a special topics course being offered during the Spring 2013 semester on the topic of “Tangible Computing”. The course is in the human-computer interaction concentration track, which is an area that interests me. To decide whether or not I was going to take the course I began doing some research into what the course applies to. In doing my preliminary research I came across the degree plan for the Master of Science in Information Technology. I discovered that I have already completed 6 credit hours in the program and would have only to take 1 more course in the HCI concentration (which can be fulfilled by Tangible Computing) and 4 other courses, the equivalent to one semester. I decided, upon consultation with the HCI lab director, that the program would be a good fit for me and that completing the degree should not be a problem given the requirements of my active program (Sociology).

So, my plan as it stands is to continue working on the Master of Arts in Sociology as a full time student, taking Master of Science in Information Technology courses as a part time student along the way. Once I have completed the sociology curriculum and defended my thesis I will work full time on the Master of Science in Information Technology until it is complete (should be about 1 semester). There is no thesis or project requirement for the Master of Science in Information Technology degree, so therefore it will be completed as soon as I have completed all of the requirements.

Why am I doing this? First of all, I hate letting credits go to waste. Second, this really interests me a lot. Finally, I would like to be able to find a decent job that isn’t in academia in the event that such jobs continue to dissolve. I think the best thing about doing this is the potential to bridge multiple areas of interest for me. HCI and Sociology together will let me bridge my interests in computer science, psychology (via cognition), sociology (social psyc, social networks, sociology of culture/tech & knowledge) and arts (sociology of culture, computer aided design).

Why I Hate The Closet

October 11th is National Coming Out Day in the United States and seven other countries.

I am very happy to for the most part live an open life in which I do not have to hide my true self from the majority of the people with whom I interact. There are still some areas of my life in which I do not yet feel comfortable being a completely out person. That will either change or those people will not be very important in my life.

It isn’t the lies or the cover-ups that make me hate the closeted life, it’s the loss of vital relationships as a result of the required social distance and the constant feeling that if the truth were known, then it may change how a person interacts with me. The biggest mistake of my life was not coming out to my aunt when I was younger. My aunt and I have a closer relationship than I have with anyone else in my family.  Until I was 11 I spent every summer, every winter break and every spring break with her. Before I attended school I spent as much time with her as I could. When I was 11 one of my second cousins was born and my aunt had to adapt to her additional familial role (grandmother). The following year my sexual feelings began to emerge and I felt as though I could no longer spend as much time with her or be myself around her. I pushed away from her pretty hard, and kept her at a distance for a while. By the time I had become comfortable enough with myself to be around her and not feel like I would have to hide myself (about 18) I had begun my relationship with Chris  and by then I was spending more time with him and not leaving much free time open for others. As a result of those changes I lost the closeness of the relationship that I had with my aunt. I regret it. She is the person that could have been my closest ally when I was going through difficult times in my life, but instead because of social pressures and a feeling placed on me by media and other forces I felt like I wouldn’t be accepted. I hate the closet, it shouldn’t have to exist.

Coming out is a very important process. You can hide from those that care about you and wonder if they would accept you, or you can come out and know for certain. It doesn’t have to be all at once or even a direct statement, just be yourself and let come what comes. I can only think of a few situations under which I have directly stated “I’m gay”. Most of those were in high school when I felt an obligation to tell my best friends who I was, I guess in that part of life it makes sense, especially if you are in need of support in your social environment. Since then most of my “coming out” has been through expressed attractions. The easiest way to come out has been through Chris, its so much easier to say in a statement “… my boyfriend…” than it is to directly say “I’m gay”. In situations where I have come out, it has for the most part been very comfortable and not a dramatic announcement. If you go into something like that thinking its going to be a big deal, then the situation will probably find a way to be like that.

I consider myself to be gay, I am attracted to men, and I have a multitude of fetishes and other assorted paraphilia. I do not consider myself to be abnormal and at this point in my life, I embrace who I am.