I have been thinking about things to blog about for the past few days (since my last entry) and I have been dismissing most of the things I wanted to blog about because I was afraid of the nature of the content and the public nature of this blog. If I have to self-censor in order to feel comfortable writing blog entries, am I really being myself?
I have wanted to write about my more personal interests which few know about, but find myself stopping merely because I don’t know how everyone will react or the exact scope of my blog audience. Where does that line exist between being able to be myself and being overly critical because of some possible future effect of this blog on my professional image? Truthfully, I so no correlation to it, but I am always woried about how I am percieved.
In addition to the blog issues, there have been relationship issues lately where my silence about things have led to bigger problems. Shouldn’t I be able to be myself around my best friend, the one who I feel knows me better than anyone? I worry so much about pissing him off or him being upset with me. The other night he just wanted me to leave him alone for a while, but somehow because I felt that I had caused some great relationship-ending transgression, I couldn’t give him that little amount of time he wanted. In that situation there were tons of things on my mind I wanted to talk to him about and express to him, but I was being reserved because of an uncertainty in how he would react. It was mentioned that this doens’t show a lot of trust, and I have to agree, if he and I are to trust each other as much as I think that we do, I have to not worry about his reactions, and just be myself around him. Thats easier said than done (several times over).