I, Curtis

Category: Random Thoughts

  • Why “Husband” and “Wife” Are Bad

    In same-sex couples who have legally married or have otherwise committed themselves to each other it seems common for them to refer to each other as “husband” or “wife”, but I have a problem with that terminology.

    The terms “husband” and “wife” are not just gendered terms, they have socially been given different meanings. There is an implication of dominance of the husband upon the wife in heterosexual couples. The terms are highly outdated in most opposite-sex couples and in all same-sex. In my opinion, if your vows do not include the words “to obey”, then the terms are outdated and represent a backward interpretation of a social construct. The terms “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” imply a certain closeness of relationship (but there is no implication of permanence)  and the terms are gendered, but they are not constructed as being unequal. Fiancé, existing as a somewhat more modern term, accomplishes the task of being non-gendered (should we expect any different from the French?) and does not have any unequal connotation. It too is limited by the fact that it does not provide for permanence, only the intention to make permanent.

    The terms “husband” and “wife” are not meant as gendered equals, but instead have a strong historical and cultural meaning of imbalance, one in which the wife is property and the husband is the master of the house and the family. Modern families do not seem to have these qualities very often and as such, it seems as though a more equitable terminology would be preferred. As much as I hate the general term “partner”, in the limited socio-linguistic resources we are provided for relationships of such closeness it does seem to be the best fit.

    I do not know why these types of linguistic things bother me, all language is artificial anyway and as such words can only have the meaning which is assigned to them socially. The issue for me I suppose is the fact that the socially created meaning does take on a form of reality which directly embodies the psychological representation of that meaning.

  • RT: Kneading Paradox

    To make dough not sticky you must knead it. It is not possible to knead dough while its still stuck to your hands.

  • RT: Fall Reversal Freaks Me Out

    There is something disturbing about looking at a clock and not realizing if you are going through the first 1am hour, or the 2nd 1am hour. The fall reversal of DST freaks me out (more than the sudden loss of an hour at DST execution).

  • RT: Social Networking Hinders Social Development

    Facebook, Twitter and RSS are not replacements for having actual conversations or for spending time with people. Attempting to communicate to many people at once looses the individuality and places a strain on attempts at conversation. Do not expect people to have read your blog or checked your latest Tweets. Talk to people, treat them as human.

  • RT: Status Thoughts

    It really sucks that I can’t update my status simply by thinking it. Having to wait until I get to wifi or having to pull my phone out sucks and results in too many statuses at once.

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  • RT: Deviance

    It’s fun to be a deviant.

  • RT: I need Friends

    It has just occurred to me while looking at Facebook that I need to venture out and find more people to have in my life. Everyone on Facebook is someone from high school. I have always been sort of reserved and as a result have not made any new friends lately. I guess unless I’m forced to be around people, I don’t make friends very easily. In high school I was around everyone for 4 years by force, and I suppose I became accustomed to their presence. I seriously need new people to explore, and my interpersonal communication skills are a bit rusty.

  • Deciphering the Moods and Desires of People

    Life is quite strange when dealing with these mortals called humans. Do exactly what you believe that these humans desire and then they change what they desire, making your actions and assumptions wrong. If you sit back and make no active change to appease them, they expect for you to have known their desires. Where is the balance and the fairness in interactions? I find the social expectations of individuals to be quite hard to read. You do what you think will make people happy, and then you find yourself alone in a library, staring mindlessly out of a window watching all of the other happy people wander around, carefully avoiding such horrible social situations. If is very uncomfortable to discover that you have no clue what another person truly wants or expects. There are so many variables in social interactions that it is impossible to know. Maybe one day I will figure him out, maybe one day I will understand, but for now, I am confused and alone.

  • RT: Relationships (2)

    A relationship truly breaks when its components don’t love each other anymore. Trust is something created and removed by the heart, which in itself is a very emotional and dramatic “organ”. So, trust isn’t to be trusted perhaps. “No longer caring” should not be something jumped to so easily, especially when no one has said that they don’t care. Caring and having the capacity to react are two very separate things. A relationship can always recover and always live as long as there is sufficient love.

  • RT: Relationships

    When does a relationship truly break? Is it the moment that there is no trust between the individuals, or is it the moment that one member ceases to care that the other is in pain? If a relationship makes it to either of those situations, can it ever recover?