Ive been wanting to blog about a few things recently, but havent gotten to due to sleep issues, this includes now, when I have just taken melatonin, but we shall see for future dates:
The Wall
Chris introduced me to this song last night, I love it, and it fits with my overall internal feelings lately.
—
“The Wall”
by Kansas
It’s woven in a fantasy
I can’t beleive the things I’ve seen
The path that I have chosen now
Has led me to a wall
And with each passing day
I feel a little more like something dear was lost
It rises now before me
A dark and silent barrier between
All I am
And all that I would ever want to be
It’s just a travesty
Towering
Marking off the boundaries my spirit
Would erase
To pass beyond is what I seek
I fear that I may be too weak
And those of you who’ve seen it through
To glimpse the other side
The promise land is waiting
Like a maiden that is soon to be a bride
The moment is a masterpeice
The weight of indecision’s in the air
Standing there
The symbol and the sum of all that’s me
It’s just a travesty
Towering
Blocking out the light and blinding me
I want to see
Gold and diamonds cast a spell
It’s not for me, I know it well
The riches that I seek
Are waiting on the other side
There’s more than I can can measure
In the treasures of the love that I can find
And though it’s always been with me
I must tear down the wall and let it be
All I am
And all that I was ever meant to be
In harmony
Shining through
And smiling back at all who wait to cross
There is no loss
Oh
Transitional Self
Lastely I have been making a lot of discoveries internally about myself. These discoveries are mostly things that need action to be taken for them to be of any value. One area in which this needs to be sought out with vigor is my general activity of life, the mandatories. I currently have no real set pattern for eating, sleeping, hobbies, cleaning, or anything like that. I would really like to learn to sleep on a pattern that resembles that of the sun (not the sun in antarctica), and for healthy digestion I should be eating 2 – 3 well thought out meals each day at normal times. My hobbies are things I really enjoy, but they have been moving around a lot from what thjey used to be, I used to be highly into programming and stuff like that, now I would rather stick my hands in a vat of clay and make something. This hobby transition wouldn’t be such an issue, but I seem to be stuck to my keyboard more than I want to be. My thoughts when I am in my room is that I need to be there waiting in case someone wants/needs to talk to me and if I don’t think about other things before I land there, they don’t get done. I wish I could break away from my electronic leash more than I do. My time with Chris is very valueble to me, and somehow in his presence I manage to handle my electronic life a lot better. While he is around I might check my email once, twice at the most, but I am not sitting around waiting for messages, I am with him for those times, not with my computers. I guess I need to learn to be with myself and actually be able to do things for myself. Part of my issue I think links to the way I was trained from birth. I have always been taught to be in my designated location, get permission to go anywhere else, and ALWAYS be predictable. I am used to being in this mindset, and I fear living life as a result. I really want to learn to live, but at current I can’t seem to do it alone and I’m glad to have a best friend beside me to help me learn what I missed out on. Chris is so full of life and isn’t scared of most adventures. This brings me to my next topic, cleaning. I have noticed lately that there has been a transistion that I was not aware of before… my parents no longer clean for me and I never was informed that they had stopped. I guess its the type of thing that has never crossed my mind before, I am an adult and should be taking care of things like that myself. One of the biggest problems in my life if that I never was transistioned to being an adult, I missed that whole teenager stage of things. I went from everything being done for me to things being not done for me and me being dropped on my ass. Somewhere in there I think my parents were supposed to encourage me to do things on my own, while still reminding me about them. As a result I have a lot of “independant” stuff to learn yet.
I am making changes in my life, although some of them are slow, it is still progress and I want it to continue. Somewhere over the years I have changed and somehow manage to keep doing so. Whether I go from being a scholarly kind of guy to a stormtrooper (thanks Ryan), or a programmer to a potter, or a yes-man to a philosopher, or a nerd to a jock, I do not know, all I know is that it is my life and I need to learn to live it the best I can.
June 05, 2005
May 22, 2004
Corporate Sizing
Corporate Re-Sizing…
The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate
America’s recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.
3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.
CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.
Analysing RFC Documents
Lately i’ve been digging in the RFC archives for my pleasure and im finding that the series itself has no real standard upon which it was built, it is a giant document collection of anything that might be relevant to the Internet.
Some of my favorites from the recent adventure are:
RFC-1855: Really straight-forward specification of Internet rules of kindness, but I find that this document is really too verbose and “standard-like” to be useful to the modern Internet user, especially since most of the newbies are so stupid.
RFC-822: Old government document, but is really a cool into to SMTP. I find it helpful when diagnosing weird things happening in email transactions. The most unfortunate thing about this document is that it hasn’t been obsoleted by a post-DNS document.
RFC-2150: This document says it is for those with limited knowledge of the Internet. Would anyone with limited knowledge of the Internet know how to get this document? The document makes a strong delcaration about the Internet opinion towards ‘The Arts’. Im really suprised that this document isn’t really more prevailant than it is. I love the fact that this document does welcome artists of all varieties to The Network.
Those three are the most interesting that ive read in the past week, but there are about 3000 more to read and try to find good in. I am finding that these documents are really becoming over-complicated, even though they never were meant to be.
Repurposing of a Blog
With so many of my blog entries I usually post images, especially those that are about my ceramic work. I have decided that most of my images need to be part of my blog in some way. Because of that decision I will most likely end up having the images reside on the blog’s domain, as opposed to my personal domain. This series of decisions could end up changing things a lot, or hardly at all, depending upon how far I take it. There are methods that integrate directly into MovableType, then there are some that are external. I have spent some time in the last few days looking at the different options, coming up with many I hate and a few I like. This could be a very big step for my blog, in moving towards where I would like to see it as an expression of myself. There is a sample of something similar to what I would like to do at http://www.disturbingthoughts.net/gallery for now (link is likely to expire in the near future if I scrap the use of this utility). I would really like some feedback on the concept and the tool itself. For me it doens’t seem to be close enough to the blog itself, which is something that could be changed with styling or with using a plug-in to the blog.
Terra Cotta Trio
Here are three of my latest terra cotta clay works. I started from a single large ball of terra cotta (about 8 pounds), started working it, then realized it was a bit clumbsy and broke it in half. The first half became the bowl. During the creation of it I removed quite a bit of excess clay, this became the cup (after reworking the clay that is). After both the bowl and the cup were clear I set to work on the last piece of clay. As a whole the ball of clay became the jar, which is to this point the tallest of any of my works.
Not Being Myself
I have been thinking about things to blog about for the past few days (since my last entry) and I have been dismissing most of the things I wanted to blog about because I was afraid of the nature of the content and the public nature of this blog. If I have to self-censor in order to feel comfortable writing blog entries, am I really being myself?
I have wanted to write about my more personal interests which few know about, but find myself stopping merely because I don’t know how everyone will react or the exact scope of my blog audience. Where does that line exist between being able to be myself and being overly critical because of some possible future effect of this blog on my professional image? Truthfully, I so no correlation to it, but I am always woried about how I am percieved.
In addition to the blog issues, there have been relationship issues lately where my silence about things have led to bigger problems. Shouldn’t I be able to be myself around my best friend, the one who I feel knows me better than anyone? I worry so much about pissing him off or him being upset with me. The other night he just wanted me to leave him alone for a while, but somehow because I felt that I had caused some great relationship-ending transgression, I couldn’t give him that little amount of time he wanted. In that situation there were tons of things on my mind I wanted to talk to him about and express to him, but I was being reserved because of an uncertainty in how he would react. It was mentioned that this doens’t show a lot of trust, and I have to agree, if he and I are to trust each other as much as I think that we do, I have to not worry about his reactions, and just be myself around him. Thats easier said than done (several times over).
Just the Fax
For the first time in over a year I have fax service again. My new fax number is (866) 502-9243. That is toll-free to all US and Canadian residents.
I decided ths morning that I needed a fax number when I realized I needed to fax something and the only way I could do it was via Windows Fax Services. I only wanted outgoing fax service this morning, but that isn’t an option, so I ended up with a full-service fax account, might be useful, might suck, we shall see.
Its official….SUMMER!
GITI Says:
Its all over and everything is in except for a few grades. Bring on the sandy beaches, cool breezes and boys of summer.