As I have gotten older I have began to fulfil more and more of my goals in life. Somehow each of these “accomplishments” leaves me empty in the end. I remember in 7th grade I aspired to be Microsoft cerified, and now I am and it doesn’t really mean that much to me as an accomplishment. I feel somewhat satisified with myself because I had a goal and decided to persue it. Things in my life that are out of my reach seem like such great accomplishments until they are in my reach and then they are meaningless and hold less value than they once did.
I used to want to be a beta tester for a long time, until I became one and the group membership wasn’t as special as I thought and no significant adjustment to my level of happieness occured. Now I am gradually falling off the whole beta thing and sticking with things that work. Since Microsoft has changed their beta practices and communication methods it hasn’t been the same and I no longer value my “beta rights”.
One of my past goals was to become a college student, because in my view college students were so independant and successful with things. I am now finding that as a college student I haven’t changed from my original situation. Instant changes would likely have more of an impact on me, but nothing in life is instant, everything is gradual. I expect that I will gradually mature while in college. I also expect that my independance will gradually come and will be finalized by me moving out of my parents’ house permenantly.
I can’t do anything about this problem with me achieving goals and feeling indifferent, but I must keep setting goals and accomplishing them so that I don’t become depressed and have no goals and no functional life. Any goal is better than no goal.
Interesting quote of the day (from an email list): “Men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking are never available – Because they already have boyfriends”
Aren’t sterotypes fun?