I don’t know what has been happening to me lateky, but I can’t seem to focus on anything. I have been bouncing between tasks constantly. I have like 5 uncompleted blog entries waiting in my content management system, the topics vary greatly, from my new friend Lewis to my decision to generate a library-like record system for my media (books, DVDs, CDs, etc). I feel like I am in a state of emotional and psychological limbo. I seem to have lost my passion for most things that I enjoy, but instead of spent hours and hours looping through various things ending up with little to no results. The one thing that does seem to calm me a bit lately is talking to my friends on the phone and focusing on the conversations. Its because of times like this that I wish I would have designed GITI with accessibility features for people with A.D.D. (Attention Defficit Disorder). In the current situation I am rotating through assignments on GITI and not focusing at all, and anything that takes any amount of focus is being put off. Last night I wanted to accomplish something in addition to my Discreet Structures homework (which I found out is now not due until Wednesday), so I started going throught he list of assignments in the list, nothing appealed to me, so I went to the expanded list and I finally ended up doing something for my web-based application development course. Part of my inability to focus is coming from a current aversion to things that are somewhat unfamilar or challenging (such as Case Study reports for my liberal studies course). I even tried working on a C++ lab, something I usually find to be a fun form of challenging, but found myself getting totally frustrated, so we background that task and find something else to do. I recently purchased a Recreational Mathematics book and found myself unable to wrap my brain around a paradoxial story of logical deduction, what is up with that? I ALWAYS love a good logical paradox! I have not been very social lately, but this shouldn’t come as a suprise I guess. I fear social interaction, I fear being noticed, I fear change.
In addition to feeling not focused, I also feel like I don’t have enough to actually do, so im having to create things to do. I dont feel enough pressure from academics and im bored with stuff I have availible to do. I love doing ceramic stuff, but I haven’t really felt much inspiration to go to the wheel to do a lot lately. I want to go back to doing like multiple pieces per week and finding ways of making each piece unique (the reason i will never make a set of something, sets are dull).