I don’t know what has been happening to me lateky, but I can’t seem to focus on anything. I have been bouncing between tasks constantly. I have like 5 uncompleted blog entries waiting in my content management system, the topics vary greatly, from my new friend Lewis to my decision to generate a library-like record system for my media (books, DVDs, CDs, etc). I feel like I am in a state of emotional and psychological limbo. I seem to have lost my passion for most things that I enjoy, but instead of spent hours and hours looping through various things ending up with little to no results. The one thing that does seem to calm me a bit lately is talking to my friends on the phone and focusing on the conversations. Its because of times like this that I wish I would have designed GITI with accessibility features for people with A.D.D. (Attention Defficit Disorder). In the current situation I am rotating through assignments on GITI and not focusing at all, and anything that takes any amount of focus is being put off. Last night I wanted to accomplish something in addition to my Discreet Structures homework (which I found out is now not due until Wednesday), so I started going throught he list of assignments in the list, nothing appealed to me, so I went to the expanded list and I finally ended up doing something for my web-based application development course. Part of my inability to focus is coming from a current aversion to things that are somewhat unfamilar or challenging (such as Case Study reports for my liberal studies course). I even tried working on a C++ lab, something I usually find to be a fun form of challenging, but found myself getting totally frustrated, so we background that task and find something else to do. I recently purchased a Recreational Mathematics book and found myself unable to wrap my brain around a paradoxial story of logical deduction, what is up with that? I ALWAYS love a good logical paradox! I have not been very social lately, but this shouldn’t come as a suprise I guess. I fear social interaction, I fear being noticed, I fear change.
In addition to feeling not focused, I also feel like I don’t have enough to actually do, so im having to create things to do. I dont feel enough pressure from academics and im bored with stuff I have availible to do. I love doing ceramic stuff, but I haven’t really felt much inspiration to go to the wheel to do a lot lately. I want to go back to doing like multiple pieces per week and finding ways of making each piece unique (the reason i will never make a set of something, sets are dull).
What To Do When You Meet A Homosexual

1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.
2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.
3. Do not assume they are attracted to you.
4. Do not assume they are not attracted to you.
5. Do not expect them to be as excited about meeting a heterosexual as you may be about meeting a gay person.
6. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight.
7. Do not ask them how they got this way. Instead, ask yourself how you got the way you are.
8. Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay.
9. Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay.
10. Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue only. They are gay 24 hours a day.
Missing Images
I haven’t had a chance to restore the images from the little problem with MovableType, so they still aren’t here, and I will be restoring the gallery soon as well. Please ignore broken images and broken links on this blog until I have restored both of these resources.
The Abuse Continues
well.. tonight has been interesting so far, my father and i got off to a great start.
First, I was talking to my mother about my dinner and mentioned that I could prepare my own plate, unlike my father. From across the room he responds with: “kiss my ass you son of a bitch”. A few moments later I go back through the room to get a drink and he adds “get your own god-damned gas”.
How can this man call himself my father? How do parents turn into such monsters?
I shouldn’t have to live in fear in my home, and I shouldn’t feel unwelcome here either. My mother has always been on my side for things like this, but there is only so much she can get involved, since she always feels the need to blame me for things that occur between my father and I.
Almost Functional
How long can something remain almost functional before it becomes hopeless?
UI Design, User Friendliness as Goals
This morning I have made a decision about the development of GITI v2, I want it to be something that someone other than me would want to use, not that I expect anyone other than Guy to actually try to.
Version 2 – it looks so much less minute written out doesnt it? It should be. Version 2 of GITI is a major overhaul of the way GITI operates (thinks?). Everything is based on the command system now, which was originally developed as a way to lighten the work required for implementing navigation. One thing I have given consideration to is the way that everything just sort of flows together now in this version because of the implementation of the command system. I want to keep that fluidity and simplicity of design on the end-user side also. I have decided that GITI will no longer use static styles, an external style sheet will be broght in via the header document.
A few minutes ago I just really looked at version 2 for the first time, what started as a UI upgrade has turned into much more. The goal was to kill the framesets and move on to a more open space, well… that part is done, but it resulted in something unexpected, I now have space to play! I began noticing my newly found space a little while ago when I looked at the Add New page of the education module. That page doesn’t use a restriction on the table width like the other pages do, so it was just a wide document, then the new plan hit me. The next thing to go (after framesets), is visible tables. The document looks so much better without the need to be cramped, this gives me room to add a thing or two. One thing version 1 had been lacking in almost every aspect is the ability to do more than just add one item at a time and then return it to you. The complexity of the deprecated schedule module is an example of what can happen in GITI with a little imagination. The class schedule is automatically genereated for me when I enter the class information, I don’t have to propogate each day, or create an entry for every day of the semester, I just select the class days, choose the meeting times and submit it to GITI, everything else is taken care of. One thing about this particular module that is also very nice is that it doesn’t need to be given a database entry for every day that an event must occur, it is treated as a reoccuring event and GITI intelligently uses the information it has about the event to display it when appropriate and not when it isn’t. One more fine point which makes the schedule module an example of what GITI should be is the option to exclude days from a range of a reoccuring event without actually having to specify more than one range. Ain’t that cool? To the expert web developer/programmer this may seem like a trivial accomplishment, but because GITI is my first real project it pretty much thrills the hell out of me, and im proud of what it can do. Unforuntately, the other modules aren’t anywhere near that smart. The education module is about as close to as dumb as dirt as it can get, it cant even generate regularly scheduled assignments, a feature I have many times wished I had taken the time to write. I think a lot of this comes from the part where I actually need the education module functioning, but everything else is safe to let die. As I state that I must ask myself why I haven’t updated the To Do and Note modules, and even better… Why is Note and GITI Doc seperate? I should be able to combine the two and get GITI Doc to support independant documents that don’t need to be called from another module.
My simple modules remain simple, but they are too simple to be useful. In addition to their shortcomings, there is also the limit of usablity. What end user wants to write a date in the format 2005-09-01 when dating a note?
Song for the Lonely
In the past 2 days I have heard complaints from a lot of my friends about being lonely and not being able to find anyone, and things of that sort. One of the most odd is one of my friends who has a hard time opening himself up to people he cares about, because of past hurt in his life. I find it odd that people come to me for things like this, I am probably just as lonely as they are, so what makes me the perfect shoulder? I can’t possibly appear that caring can I? I guess I try to offer advice when my friends hurt, its just who I am, but I don’t see that it actually makes a difference, they are just as lonely after talking to me. Last night when thinking about this I compared myself to Delilah jokingly, but for some reason I feel compelled to stick to this… sort of. Music seems to be a very strong force that connects people, and even helps create a sense of presence when there is none. Some songs inspire and motivate through their lyrics, others use their instrumentation, but the calming effect is nearly the same across both methods. I personally don’t like political songs or songs of depression and rage. Why would I want to listen to something that will make me feel worse? Anyway, ive gotten off topic (its my blog I will deviate derail if I want to). Point of all of this is, for whatever reason my friends come to me when they have a problem, I am glad they do. There are times when I find myself being very lonely, but for some reason I never think to reach out for anyone, until its too late. I guess its just the way I live my life, anti-social and independant.
So… for the Non-trusting bisexual, the confused Texan, the internally closeted Californian, Gaelic speaking dreamer, my indifferent best friend, and all of the other lonely people in my life, I present to you, a song that gives me some comfort ant perspective while alone:
————————————————
“(This Is A) Song For The Lonely” – Cher
When you’re standing on the edge of nowhere
There’s only one way up
So your heart’s got to go there
Through the darkest night
See the light shine bright
When hero’s fall, in love or war
They live forever
[Chorus:]
This is a song – for the lonely
Can you hear me tonight
For the broken hearted, battle scared I’ll
Be by your side
And this is a song – for the lonely
When your dreams won’t come true
Can you hear this prayer
‘Coz someone’s there for you
We’ll love don’t need a reason
She can pick you up
Or leave you bleeding
I’ve seen a strong man cry
I know the reason why
We all forgive, we all forget
We just keep believing
[Chorus]
So let it find you
Wherever you may go
I’m right beside you
You don’t have to look no more
You don’t have to look no more, oh no
[Chorus]
It’s gonna be alright
It’s gonna be alright
It’s gonna be alright
This is a song
A song for the lonely
And that’s not you only
Through the darkest night
You’re gonna see the light
Love don’t need a reason
Just to leave you bleeding
Can you hear this prayer
Someone’s there
This is a song – for the lonely
Can you hear me tonight
For the broken hearted, battle scared
I’ll be by your side
And this is a song
for the lonely.
To my readers…
At the request of… everyone? I am going to try to limit my number of postings from Barnard starting after today. Who knew that me sitting still immediately after class could be so catastrophic?
Bad Plugin, No Cookie
I upgraded MovableType last night and now im totally regretting it. First, a plugin that I installed because of its “features” in relation to the new version managed to totally fry my theme on my blog, even after I removed the pesky thing. Second issue, my /images/ directory is GONE! Don’t know where it went, but it went. Third, the BACKUP folder I created, containing a backup copy of my MovableType installation was overwritten by the thing when it rebuilt the site. I am not amused, I just hope I can get all of those images restored somehow, I think I kept some backups in various locations, but damn, what a pain in the ass.
UPDATE: ok, finally got my theme reapplied from database, from now on, no more lazy-blogger!
Will it ever end?
I was looking for the link for the previous entry, and ran across something totally weird:

I don’t know about the rest of you, but ive never had a need to instant message a librarian. Also… Wouldn’t it be more useful to just use a chat feature in the page itself, especially since someone like myself might want to get information from the computer labs without having to walk all the way over there to the library?