Do you think of me as a quiet person? When I am around you, do you find yourself asking “what is he actually thinking/feeling?”?
At the moment im realizing that I don’t speak up nearly enough and im not really that social, at least not as social as I should be. In high school I had lots of people around me and I never felt completely alone, I could always find one of my cliques to be with. At UNCC I find myself alone most of the time, I am presently in the place that one year ago I designated as my safe haven, Barnard Computer Labs. I can put myself into the net and not have to come out for anything until its time for my next class, and I don’t have to speak to anyone or do anything requiring interaction. It is a really safe life, but is it what I want? I really want to be more outgoing, but somehow I just can’t push myself over that hill. Me becoming social won’t happen overnight, but I think I might be able to give myself some gentle pushes and try to make (and maintain) contact with people my own age on campus. I was talking to Chris last night and I pretty much discovered that none of my social goals from a year ago were being met. I don’t really understand what has happened. While I was in Mr. Pane’s Interpersonal Communication course, surrounded mostly by adults I was comfortable being slightly outgoing and actually speaking to people. I remember this one woman from the course, Marcia, she could get me to talking faster than anything and her personality could make a British Palace Guard smile and laugh. Why can’t I be like her? Why can’t I be the one who inspires people to come out of their shell and speak? There are a few people who consider me friendly, so shouldn’t that be something I can use to my advantage when trying to fit in? I would love to be able to go to my next class and be able to speak to the person sitting next to me and have a small conversation. Im pretty sure that won’t happen because I am me, but what the hell… Ill give it a try.