I am presently enrolled in 18 credit hours and I am not happy. I am still bored. Nothing seems to challenge me and I don’t really like feeling like this. I feel incomplete. I need something to do with my life other than sit around constantly refreshing course websites, hoping someone will say something.
More than being bored, I feel like I am presently making no useful contributions to society. In short, I am afraid I am becoming depressed.
One thought on “Realization of a Sad, Lonely Existence”
My initial is to respond with the lyrics to the song “Through Heaven’s Eyes” from Prince of Egypt (I know, shocker, I wanna talk in lyrics)… but, I know a theological stand point isn’t the best approach… so, I present the following:
Point 1: Those around you.
Wether you know it or not, you have a society around you and you contribute to those in numerous ways. While, I admit, I’m not totally familiar with your living situation(s), I have no doubts that you are a positive existence within your household… if nothing else, you contribute to the maintenance and routine, which may sound like little, but it’s on the beginning of my argument.
Point 2: Your other website.
You have access to your traffic log… while it may not compare to what one would see on Google or Yahoo’s, I’m sure there are people who visit. Your online existence brings hope and comfort to a lot of people. Corny as that sounds, it’s true… I was, and am, one them. The knowledge that you’re not alone in things, that you are normal, that someone had such inner-strength that they could share themselves with the rest of the world gives others the will to do so themselves…. which leads me to my next point…
Point 3: Me.
No matter what happens between you and I, you are responsible for a change within me. I don’t know how or when it happened, but at some point, and I know it’s to do with you, my self-view changed. For a long time, when I walked around in public, I felt as if the world were pointing at me and saying “that’s one of them, that’s what they look like”…I don’t feel that way anymore. I know I am stronger than that now. You’ve told me so. I know I’m worth more because you, my little brother, have told me so. And now, I know. Because of you.
(okay, so now I’m gonna sum up the lyrics a little… you knew I would)
No matter what, you will never be able to see yourself as the world does, but trust me on this kid: The world sees you, and the world likes what it sees. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I’ll end with this:
Letting the people who love you, love you, contributes a whole hell of a lot.
I should know, I’m one of them.
Love you Curt.
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