Metanarrative of My Life

I feel like all I have done on this blog in the past few months is post about academics. Its easy to do, its practically the only thing going on in my life, and as a grad student, shouldn’t it be my life?

Oddly, I feel like I have become more of myself over the past few months. I feel less detached and less like my world operates entirely inside myself. I guess in some ways I’ve had less need for expressing myself through the blog, well, aside from having no time for it.

Academically things are going great. I have 2 papers I am desperately trying to finish and things are in progress for the fall semester in terms of a course proposal for a directed readings that I want to do on subcultural masculinity. I was not accepted into counseling, and I have been waitlisted for sociology, but in some ways none of that matters. I am currently planning to apply to the Master of Arts in Liberal Studies program to extend my work in gender and sexuality into a degree-length program. I have spoken to the program director and he is eager to get my into the program, plus there are no real limits on the number of students that he can enroll due to the nature of the program. I will still be applying to the counseling program again next year, but at the same time I also anticipate applying to a PhD program in Public Policy (concentration in Social Policy). If I am admitted to counseling, I will take that track and work toward a MA and then a PhD in Counseling. If not, I will do the MA in Liberal Studies and then attempt to gain acceptance into the PhD in Public Policy. I feel like these are the two tracks that my life is able to go at this point. Public Policy is the natural conclusion to my work in gender and sexuality, counseling is the natural conclusion to psychology. Although, using the words “natural” and “conclusion” are both contrary to my present frame of mind. Nothing is really natural in socialized structures or entities of hierarchy, but the progression seems to flow in a non-forced way to my understandings of each path. As for conclusion, well, they may be terminal programs, but there is always research beyond the PhD and there is life after the doctorate is conferred, but it is the conclusion of the formal levels of understanding that exist.

Socially I feel like I’m progressing. Before entering graduate school I never really kept in contact with people from my classes and didn’t really have many people who knew much about me except for Chris. That is slowly changing. I have added new people to the circle of people I call friends for the first time in a while. I am out and open to these new friends, not only as gay, but also the more unusual aspects of the way I identity myself. I think that socially I have long had a fear of things I perceived as dark secrets of myself, and now I feel like I can be myself. I don’t feel like I have to hide from these people that I have begun interacting with. Its really sort of refreshing.

Beyond academics and friends, there isn’t a lot to report on, except sleeping weird hours and not being able to sleep near the end of a semester because there is too much going through my mind, but I suspect even the earliest days of my blog will show that this is not exactly uncommon for me. Oh, and one other important piece of info about my current life: I am happy!

This was supposed to be more metanarrative than narrative, but as usual, I have missed the mark on my posts. I am going to try to do more posts about my life, and less about academics. I really do miss being able to just spout my feelings and thoughts on the page.