Category: General Life

  • Personal Journaling

    I have many times in my past thought of starting a personal journal. I started at first a long time ago with a paper journal, and considered keeping a word processing document, but nothing ever seemed to work for me. In August 2004 with the opening of this blog I got a little closer to being able to do what I wanted to do, at least on the external perspective. I still do not have anything personal. I tried to do it in GITI for a personal way, but I just could never remember to write stuff and it just didn’t quite seem as together and coherent as I would like. I am now considering writing a software that will reside on a desktop computer, but will be able to write information somewhere that GITI can access it. The reason I feel I need to write my own software for this is that I want to keep more information in a journal than just a daily narrative and other plain text information. I want to be able to store sample photos from the day, and maybe a tracklog and other information that seems relevant to the events of the day. In some ways it would be nice to form my daily journal entries from a variety of little pieces of information and just have them grouped by the date. Those pieces include:

    • Text of day’s activities
    • Report of what is on the calendar
    • Collection of status posts and their timestamps
    • Photo(s) selected from the day, if available
    • Tracklog from the day, if available
    • Recipes for foods I create that day

    In some ways social media stuff handles a lot of this, except for the more private aspects, but I do not want something like a journal stuck in the cloud. I want control of the information and I do not want to be bound to some type of information system that can loose data, change control or in some other way be subverted by an outside force. This is probably crazy and excessive, but it will give me something to work on in my spare time.

  • Can’t Sleep

    I hate when I can’t sleep. It seems like a perpetual problem with me. I’m tired but my mind just will not go silent. Some nights I wait it out and eventually I fall asleep. Other nights I will get up and blog or something. No matter what I can’t seem to overcome this. Tonight I am laying in bed with he iPod, trying a method that will let me try to work out my thoughts and bring myself to relax.

    So many things go through my mind: friends, relationships, graduate school, graduation, GITI, what I’m cooking for dinner tomorrow night and so many other things that my mind says must be dealt with now.I do not relax with anything pending.

    For a little while I will lay here and try to calm myself.

  • Sup?: September 29, 2010

    What’s up with me?

    • Today is is rainy and sort of chilly outside, but I’m in the library, where it feels like 90.
    • A lot of what is going on lately in my life has to do with my aspirations to enroll at a graduate school.
      • I have completed the easy parts of my grad school applications, the basic biographical stuff.
      • I still have to find people to write recommendations for me. I have a few prospects for people, but I feel awkward asking for them.
      • I have to write a statement of purpose for each of my potential graduate schools.
      • I still have to gather my official transcripts, the unofficials are in.
    • In my undergraduate world
      • Have to complete a sociology paper
      • Test is due on Friday in my Animal behavior class, I’m a little freaked about that, its the first one, and I don’t like the class that much
      • There is a quiz due on Sunday in Child Psychopathology
      • There is a quiz due on Sunday in History and Systems of Psychology
      • I have to manage to keep myself focused on all of my coursework to maintain my GPA for graduate school
  • Faith, or Crisis Thereof

    If this works out the way it’s supposed to, this will be my final post on the topic of religion (at least for this ranting period).

    Over the past few weeks I have come into closer contact with religion than I have in a long time. From a conversation about indoctrination of youth with Chris to having a pleasant conversation with a pair of Mormon missionaries (yes, I mean it) to having an impassioned discussion about evolution vs. creationism in my History & Systems course (PSYC 400) it has been a busy few weeks for me in terms of philosophical and theological thoughts.

    What do I believe? I don’t know.

    I believe that organized religions try too hard to indoctrinate and to convert, but that isn’t exactly something substantial to build a religious platform on.  My childhood was not exactly filled with religion. My parents did not go to church and I never went to church. When filling out forms requiring a religious preference, I didn’t have enough time to think about it, I just bubbled N/A or anything the seemed benign (I think I used Baptist on an AP test once). I have never had a religious identity. If I were going to try to fit in, obviously I would pick some variant of Christianity and go with it, but somehow just picking a religion and going with it seems wrong. It seems immoral to declare myself something that I am not, and that I have not been able to form a belief in.

    Most recently I have associated myself most closely with being Agnostic, because I can not resolve the concept of a God, but at the same time I am not willing to wholly reject the possibility. I can not resolve how the universe began. I suppose I believe it started with a compressed orb of matter and energy, which rapidly expanded. The belief exists without any explanation of how that matter and energy got there or in what material or construct that matter and energy were suspended. This inability to resolve these issues concerns me because I like for everything to make sense. This inability to resolve also means that in some way I need some type of faith, but I have difficulty selecting one because I do not know how to validate one with any sense of reliability.

    Organized religion is probably the leading cause for why I have not done more research and talked more about my lack of a religion. I have no problem with any religion, but it is hard to embrace something when it feels like it is being forced on me, or worse, when people try to convert me while at the same time insult me because I do not happen to believe in their particular religion. With this type of response it is difficult to figure out anything about the religion, other than to get the feeling that I want nothing to do with a people that are that rabid in their beliefs. I am happy for people who have found something to believe in, but I do not think that anyone should ever have to deal with beliefs being thrust upon them.

    I believe that the universe exists.
    I believe that sentient beings should do no harm to each other.
    I do not presently have a belief in "God”.

     

    “What does God need with a space-ship?”

  • Vicious Christians

    Tomorrow night is the deadline for the discussion board in my History and Systems class and things are heating up quite a bit. Below are some examples from the course discussion board about this week’s topic.

    “Hopefully there is someone out here who is looking to find the thruth and uses this class,discussion board topic and/or the reading and begans to walk toward to right path.In addition I don’t have the stats as of right now but theCountry is getting worse as more and more people are Atheist, devil worshipers etc.”

    It would seem that because I do not believe the same what that I do that I am suddenly a devil worshipper. I do not recognize any being, so why would I recognize a devil more than a God?

    “Amen Girl, Great post…….. Those who fail to believe in God have little substance not to mention they have NO idea what they are missing. I agree we all have changed and that in itself is evolution. But God created us and know one to DATE has proven otherwise.”

    Because I use my brain and look for logical evidence I lack substance, but these people who believe absolutely in a being who exists in the ether are absolutely substantial?

    “Because they are scientist, they feel they have no need to believe in the supernatural or because science is considered the ultimate source of intellectual meaning, their pride gets in the way. “

    I am agnostic because I am too proud of being scientifically minded to allow myself to believe in God?

    "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised”

    Just a biblical quote, but it is aimed at anyone who believes in science. From the perspective of the Bible being created as a social engineering tool, to manipulate people into a belief system, it would make sense for there to be built-in safe-guards against thinking outside of the religion.

    I personally will be really glad when this week is over so that the witch hunt can subside and I won’t have to feel like there are 24 spritzer bottles of holy water aimed in my general direction. I wish to co-exist with these people and have no need to judge their beliefs, only to respect the differing views, but yet they are all about the accusations and the conversion.

  • Religion, Again

    Didn’t I just write a post about this topic? Yes, I seem to recall that I did.

    This time the topic comes to me from the most unlikely of places, my History and Systems of Psychology course. The topic of the week for the discussion board is as follows:

    Darwin’s Theory of Evolution was a direct challenge to the widely accepted church views on creation and evolution.What do you believe about evolution and creation? Discuss the history of Church/Science conflicts.

    I expected when the discussion began that it would be a nice quiet discussion based on the facts at hand, as well as being relevant to the text and the material of the course. Instead, it has turned into an opportunity for the rabidly impassioned Christians of the course to pick up the flaming pitchforks. The first post on the topic started off citing scriptures and ended by accusing scientists of being “blind”, “not able to know what it is to be human” and “too prideful to see the truth”.  I am not usually the type to fall for responding to such a post, but this time I did. My response pointed out that there is no evidence of God, and that using creation itself as evidence was like proving the Earth is the center of the universe by pointing that the sun travels across the sky. I also pointed out a few logical issues with the person’s post such as her colorful use of ad hominem style argumentation.

    So far I am the only person who has posted who has been on Darwin’s side of things, then again we agnostics have to defend each other, since no one else will. My opinion on the topic is that we cannot prove the existence of a divine being, and as such any theories that are based on the assumption that there is cannot be proven either. I feel that because of the fossil record and what we know of the way organisms develop that evolution is a much more likely explanation for existence. Religious groups seem to want to disprove or discredit evolution by stating that it relies on a series of “accidents” to create an intelligent being. The interesting thing about evolution is that it only requires one accident, the mixing of amino acids to form a few proteins, which can then chain together to form organisms. The rest of the process just requires a few hundred millennia to sort things out. The other argument that I have seen is that “everything” must have a creator. I like this one because it is sort of like my theory that “everything” must have a container. The flaw with this argument comes when you look at “God” itself, if God created creation, then who created God? Some sort of Uber-god? Maybe, but that’s just one step removed from the same problem again. So just like in my container theory, there is no solution, and the theory of the religious are once again invalidated due to an argument that ends up requiring an infinite number of adaptive explanations (due to the fact that every creator must have a creator).

    Sometimes I believe that life would be easier if I did have the capacity to believe in the same things as everyone else, but unfortunately, my experiences do not allow me to have such faiths.

  • Religion

    Religion has been on my mind a lot lately for a lot of reasons. First, its hard to be in society and not see some signs of it, whether it is a religious group on a university campus or more notably the mentioning of the impact of religion on society in several of my courses. I have never really been religious, not even when I was younger and people like my aunt tried to indoctrinate me into it. As a topic of conversation, religion makes me nervous. I do not have any particular belief system. I have tried to find one, but after evaluating numerous religions, I can find no truth in any of them.

    This topic comes up after a conversion that Chris and I had today on the way to the UNC-Charlotte campus. He mentioned a rather large church that several people who knew had attended. The mentioning of the size of the church caused me to visualize a lot of helpless children being fed church doctrine and being told what to believe. I’m not sure what caused it, but at some point in my history I began seeing religion as a hateful creation designed to control people in a society. By the sociological definition, religion is one of the institutions which holds society together (functionalist theory). I suppose in general I reject a lot of aspects of society, which may be part of why my feelings are the way they are, but I don’t have the same anger toward other social institutions as I do for religion. I embrace education and I embrace the idea of family (even though I just tolerate my own). I find the mentioning of “God” in a college course to be offensive. I’m especially bothered when people that I consider to be nice or intelligent speak of religion as though it were truth. I know I’m definitely in the minority on this one. I am not bothered by the 3rd party mentioning of religion, treating it as a form of mythology. Religion is very much a social construct, and therefore, it is valid for study.

    One of the “functions” of the religious institution in society is to serve as a moral guide. I question this function as it provides one group too much power to control what people think and how people act. Why is it not possible for people to simply be good and moral because its the right thing to do? Maybe this is another area where I have a somewhat skewed perspective. I interact with the world in ways that I believe to be at least mostly moral. I know that I have flaws, but I do try to be a good person and treat everyone respectfully who treats me respectfully (flaw #1 – my short temper quickly loses respect for people who do not respect me). In a lot of ways I feel that a general study of philosophy and perhaps the various approaches to ethics, would be beneficial to the development of society in ways that religion can not be. Religion is biased and instructs people in what to believe, philosophy encourages people to think for themselves. It is that thinking that allows people to become moral. I feel that religion gives people a license to do whatever they want and as long as they can rationalize it to being something that is within the spirit of the word of God. Religion is a vehicle to use an invisible all-powerful creature to justify any action that is taken by a person who is “a believer” and who has sufficient social power. Maybe I associate too much with Marx on this, but I believe that religion is a tool of powerful or wealthy individuals to control society, perhaps a way of taming society enough to be controllable by other forces.

    Christian religions are certainly a scary thing to me. When I think of Christians I think of the KKK. It seems as though I never see just one or two Christians at a time (when I do, they aren’t viewed as Christians, but instead as other roles). My encounters with religion have always been in relatively large groups, such as on a college campus, or when visiting family events, or just passing a church as it is concluding. I would have a better opinion of these groups of people if they were holding flaming pitch forks, at least then I would know their intentions. Indoctrination is a dangerous thing, and I fear the possibility of what these large groups of people who believe the same thing (because its what they have been told to believe) are capable of doing. It always seems as though the Christians are persecuting someone. If it isn’t dabbling in the marital relations of their own kind, its telling some other unsuspecting individual that something they are doing is sinful and wrong.

    This brings me to another aspect of religion that is bothersome, its changing, but yet unchanging nature. Most established religions have used the same basic religious text since their creation, and hold that they have always held the same beliefs. The problem with the perception that a religion is old and is completely unchanging is that most churches have a somewhat colorful past. Some religions used to look for witches and burn innocent girls who they suspected were witches or were conspiring with them, other religions have in their past decided that blacks were born evil and should be “cleansed”. One of the movies that I enjoy, but that others seem to despise, is Dogma. It is a rather blasphemous film involving the Catholic church. One of my favorite lines in the movie is said by George Carlin, as the Cardinal: “one can hardly hold the current incarnation of Holy Mother Church responsible for oversights of old”. The line is delivered when the Cardinal is questioned about the Catholic church’s involvement in the slave trade. I found it funny because that is exactly the way that churches act, like their history does not matter, no matter what they do. The biggest way to see this is to look at the interpretations of religious texts and how they change over time. The text and its intending meaning likely stays the same, but religion adapts to changing times and quietly ignores parts of the text that is considers to be out of date and emphasizes parts that represent present church policy. A church may have at one time only allowed for the eating of meat on certain days of the week, but now it is acceptable all days of the week, but yet if a man kisses another man, he will still be hell-bound, because it is the opinion of the church.

    I find it hard to believe in the existence of any divine entity. I believe in the existence of the universe and that is all, and some days that is a stretch. I do not feel inspired to believe that there is some sentient creator, or other being that has any universal influence. My great belief is simply that the universe is. The universe operates as it was designed, with all principles of physics intact (physics, as in the natural laws of how mater and energy exist, not the collection of theories that are Earth-centric).

    The one aspect of existence that puzzles me, that I can not seem to resolve, and the existence of a creator would not help to resolve, is my perception of everything is contained by something. I am presently contained in a chair, which is in a library, which is on a planet that is contained within a solar system that is in a galaxy that is part of the universe. What exactly holds the universe? The universe is ever-expanding, but what is it expanding into? What space does it take up? For the “big-bang” or any creationist theory to work, there has to be something to start with. I get that there once was a ball of mater and energy, and then a rapid decompression resulting in the ever-expanding universe. What was the nature of that ball of mater and energy? Where did it exist? It could not have been in space, because the space we know is the universe itself, so… what explains this? I have considered that universe may be a dream, but then that just places us another step removed for containment, the dreamer must exist and for the dreamer to exist we must be able to prove that the dreamer CAN exist (have a universe in which to exist).

  • Status Updates

    Until I get around to figuring out how things work enough to be able to include my status at the top of my blog page, my status updates will be available by Twitter at http://twitter.com/icurtis_status