I, Curtis

Category: General Life

  • What I Know About Sex and Gender.

    [Cross Post: http://www.masculineimagery.net/?p=12]

    When I began the certificate program in Gender Studies I accepted that I did not know a lot about gender, and probably even less about sexuality.

    Before I began the program I accepted that men have a penis and women have a vagina. This was my essential “truth” of sex. I also implied to myself that they had those organs since birth. Now I find myself 5 weeks into the program and I must now accept that most males were born with a penis, but not all of them, and not all people with a penis are “men” or were born with them.

    Before I began the program I knew that men tended to be in control in relationships due to cultural precedents, but I wasn’t sure why. Now I have a lot more data on the topic and still don’t have a clue what makes men so special.

    The bottom line… I know nothing about sex or gender, and labels are more trouble than they are worth.

  • Floating Above Myself

    I’m sitting in the student union in the balcony around the rotunda. I’m in the perfect spot to be a passive observer to the social interactions and other things happening below me.  I am not an active participant, only an observer. I am sitting above the activity trying to focus on academic work (that focus I believe was lost a while ago). I find myself being very sad and a bit reflective on things. I’m watching all these students enjoy the party-like atmosphere that happens during a Union takeover, but I’m not involved, I wouldn’t know how to be involved. During my undergraduate life I never participated in anything on campus. I kept telling myself this summer that my graduate career would be different and that I would get involved and enjoy my time on campus, enjoy still being young. The fact that it is parents weekend on campus doesn’t help my mood. My parents never went to one of these events when I was an undergrad, and never showed much interest in seeing the campus or anything like that. I suppose most of it is my own fault, I pushed my parents away in a major way when I started college. My aunt has been to this campus more times than my parents have been. My father never set foot on the campus (can’t say I’m surprised, or even bothered by it). I was always closer with my mom anyway, but still, the only time she was ever on campus with me was at my undergraduate orientation and then on the day before my first day of classes, but no other time. Now that I am a graduate student I wouldn’t even think of asking my parents to come to an event like this. The time for involvement was back then, not now.

    I keep thinking back on the way that things went before, trying to figure out why I keep doing the same thing over and over. I know I’m on campus more now than I was when I was an undergrad, and I have a desire to get involved and participate in things outside of academics, but I just can’t quite figure out how to dive into it. Times like this I wish I were more like Chris. He isn’t what I would describe as being highly involved, but he has found his own path to being included, and his own way to make an impression on the university. I don’t know why during my first experience on this campus I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that there is something outside of academics. There is so much going on here every day. The academics I can handle, but it is the social that I still haven’t mastered. I barely talk to anyone when I am here, other than instructors and I just feel so outside of everything. I have to get involved on campus, I have to find my own method, but I can’t stand being this outside of being social anymore. I have at least 2 more years on this campus, and I don’t intend to waste them.

  • Planned Readings for SOCY 6895

    For anyone who is curious, below is my planned list of readings for my Tutorial in Sociology on the topic of Masculinity.

    Kimmel, M. S. 2007. Men’s lives. 7th ed. Boston, MA: Pearson Allyn and Bacon.

    (selected chapters)

    • 44 – The morality/manhood paradox : masculinity, sport and the media
    • 48 – Culture, gender, and violence : "We are not women"
    • 50 – Athlete aggression on the rink and off the ice : athlete violence and aggression in hockey and interpersonal relationships
    • 52 – Neo-macho man : pop culture and post 9/11 politics
    • 47 – Men are much harder : gendering viewing of nude images
    • 5 – (In) secure times : constructing white working-class masculinities in the late 20th century
    • 53 – Change among the gatekeepers : men, masculinities, and gender equality in the global arena
    • 11 – "Dude, You’re a Fag": Adolescent Masculinity and the Fag Discourse

    Crawley, Sara L. 2010. “Visible Bodies, Vicarious Masculinity, and ‘The Gender Revolution’”. Gender & Society 25: 107-113.

    Vaccaro, Christian. 2011. “Male Bodies in Manhood Acts: The Role of Body-Talk and Embodied Practice in Signifying Culturally Dominant Notions of Manhood”. Sociological Compass 5: 65-76.

    Chimot, Caroline and Catherine Louveau. 2010. “Becoming a man while playing a female sport: The construction of masculine identity in boys doing rhythmic gymnastics”. 2010 45: 436 International Review for the Sociology of Sport 45: 436-456.

    Hinojosa, R. 2010. “Doing Hegemony: Military Men, and Constructing a Hegemonic Masculinity”. Journal of Men’s Studies, 18(2), 179-194.

    Yeung, King-To, Mindy Stombler and Reneé Wharton. 2006. “Making Men in Gay Fraternities : Resisting and Reproducing Multiple Dimensions of Hegemonic Masculinity”. Gender & Society 20, 5-31.

    Conseur, Amanda, Jan M. Hathcote and Soyoung Kim. 2008. “Consumer Masculinity Behavior Among College Students and Its Relationship to Self Esteem and Media Significance”. Sex Roles, 58:549–555.

    Hauge, Mona-Iren, and Hanne Haavind. 2011. “Boys’ bodies and the constitution of adolescent masculinities”. Sport, Education and Society 16, 1-16.

    .

  • Question About Sexuality

    From my friend Jared:

    “Odo, while being technically asexual, took on an male persona. When he encountered his first member of his own species, it took on the form of a female, utilizing an appearance similar to the one that Odo presented, so as to make Odo feel more comfortable as well as a sense of belonging.

    Thinking about it, do you think that they’re implying that sexuality is a learned trait?”

     

    This question actually relates to the topic tonight in Lesbian and Gay Studies, and to the topic last week in Theo. Appr. to Sexuality. There are two major schools of thought on sexuality. The essentialists that believe that sexuality is inborn and is fixed. The social constructionists believe that sexuality occurs as a result of sociological factors and that through culture and socialization sexuality is formed. There is also a third school of thought that most people don’t talk about, the sociobiologists, guess what they believe? The sexuality is developed sociologically, on top of a very solid biological foundation.

    Regarding the specific case of Odo, not being human, Terran or even solid, it seems reasonable that sexuality would develop differently. First of all, I do believe that all changelings (or do they prefer to be called shapeshifters these days?) and other metamorphic life-forms take on an either asexual or hermaphroditic existence. As for Odo himself, I believe that being that he took on Dr. Mora’s physical appearance he did designate himself to be a male when among the solids, however, I do not believe that his sexual feelings were directly powered by any type of male/female attraction. Odo is very obviously attracted to a certain type of person, mostly the strong feminine types. I do not believe this to be a result of his need for female companionship at all, but instead a certain personality type he is attracted to as a result of growing up in isolation. Perhaps he is heterosexual after the abuses he suffered in the laboratory or by the patriarchal Cardasians.

    As for the intentions of the Star Trek franchise, it has always been that there is an openness to various ideas in their productions. I personally think that yes, they are portraying sexuality as being a “learned”, or more correctly, a socialized trait that is conveyed through experience with a culture.

  • Joyful Rejoicing

    I have received notification from the Gender Studies department at UNC-Charlotte that I have been recommended for admission to the graduate program. This does not mean that I am fully admitted, but the last step, the approval of the graduate school is purely a formality. I am told by Dr. Stephenson that I should have official notification from the graduate school after about 2 weeks of bureaucracy. Once I receive the official “offer”, I will be permitted to accept and fully enroll in the program.

    At the moment I am very excited, and somewhat relieved. After being denied admission to Cognitive Science I became extreamly nervous about this application. I am still a bit surprised that I have been recommended for the program, and am not sure I will fully believe that i’m in until I get the admissions letter.

    I feel more like I can plan for my future now that I have been recommended for the program, and now I feel like I can plan for additional programs to complete in parallel. I guess I was right about all signs pointing to this being the right program for me. I’m looking forward to exploring the dynamics of masculinity during the fall semester.

  • Disconnected from the blog

    In recent weeks I have become increasingly more disconnected from this blog. This blog (in its original form) was started on August 23, 2004, my first day as a university student. Now I find new topics and new thoughts hard to bring to this blog. Perhaps it is the uncertainty of the future that creates this distance, however, I began this blog as a Management Information Systems student, and ended up graduating as a psychology major. Obviously when I started this blog I had no clue what was going to happen, and now is no different. The logic prevails, but still I do not feel like I can make the transition. Journaling is critical to some of my thought processes, so I must find a way past this “difficulty”.

    I have concerns about this blog because it has majority been related to my undergraduate coursework, but at the same time it has been very personal. Now I have to decide what I want this blog to be. Is it a vault to be sealed? Is it just a personal journal? Could it be something that I utilize during my graduate studies as a serious academic blog? I feel like I would love to keep this blog as a continuing journal that could encompass both my undergraduate and graduate careers as well as general life events, but I feel as though it links me too much to my past. I can not refuse my own personal history, but this is also a time of renewal for me. My undergraduate career and my personal life during that time was not an exceptional time of my life. It was not until some time last year that I feel that I reached a level of academic and personal stability. I have spent a great amount of time struggling with “who do I want to be?” and it slowed me down and confused me for far too long.

    There is actually another blog that has been prepared since about March for the purpose of having another blog just for academic pursuits. Temporarily the blog is placed at acad.cmkularski.net, but that will likely change to something more unique if I decide that I actually wish to use it.

  • Entitled Culture

    In Response to: [http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/dailydish/2011/03/barefoot-contessa-ina-garten-rejecting-make-a-wish-cancer-patient-enzo.html]

    There are days when I am ashamed to be a part of a culture that feels that somehow they are owed certain treatment from celebrities. Apparently Ina Garten (“Barefoot Contessa”) has refused to cook with a 6 year-old who has cancer. People seem to want to gather on this particular decision and somehow find something evil about it. While I will admit that it isn’t a nice thing to have happen to a person, it isn’t the responsibility of celebrities (no matter how minimal they may be) to cater to the demands of the ill and unfortunate. What makes people feel that they are entitled to special treatment? More importantly, why is declining a request ever “evil”? That is sort of the nature of a request, they may be granted or denied, otherwise, we tend to call it a subpoena. So what makes this individual so entitled? Is it because he is sick, or because he is six?

    I do not know the specifics of the situation, and apparently neither does the person who wrote the article. Perhaps Ina Garten has some personal reason for not being able to fulfill the request, or perhaps  she has a phobia concerning children. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter and is not for public discussion or debate. The women made a decision about a request. I fail to find anything “mean” or “heartless” in her decision. What I find “heartless” is how inconsiderate individuals responding to the article have been in their treatment of the situation. Sometimes I feel that people responding to news stories let their emotions run away with them and fail to be considerate to the rights of everyone concerned and react to whatever media spin is placed on the article.

    I have a deficiency in my risotto technique that I find quite debilitating, and I would love to have Anne Burrell teach me exactly how to do it, but that is certainly not going to happen (unless I get into the next season of “Worst Cooks In America”, for which, I do not think I qualify).

  • “Shank”

    This evening I watched a movie, “Shank” (2009), that had an usually emotional impact on me. I am in general not a fan of violent movies, as usually I am bored by them, but in this case, the violence was  a bit disturbing. The movie centered on a homosexual “scally” gang member. The movie involves his struggle between his gang lifestyle and his sexual feelings. There is a lot of drug use and violence, but the movie’s plot reveals a lot of depth to at least a few of the characters. There are some scenes, especially toward the end of the film that are a bit hard to watch, but for the sake of anyone who is considering watching it, I will not mention them here.

    Another aspect I found difficult in the movie was the relationship that occurs. I have no problem with a relationship between men, but I never seen a relationship between such a “rough” type of guy and a more sensitive guy shown to be so tender. It makes me think about the type of relationship that I would like to be involved in and factors that prevent me from being able to have that type of relationship. I have concerns involving public opinion of such a relationship, specifically in the form of informal negative sanctions. In some ways I think it also involves my external image of myself and how all “parts” of me fit together from a social perspective. My own interpretations of what a relationship is supposed to be also come into play, but mostly just from the sexual aspect.  I am not a huge believer in an intimate relationship requiring overt sexual acts to ensure its stability, and especially not its initiation (as is portrayed in the movie).

    In general I feel positive about the movie in terms of realistic portrayals and the artistic influence for its construction. I’m not so positive about how it made me feel in the end, but I intend to watch the movie again (with Chris) to see if I can resolve some of those feelings.

    NetFlix: http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Shank/70123469

    IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288571/

  • Rant: Letter to Office of IR @ FSU

    Dear Department of Institutional Research: 
        Your department implements holds on a students records in a most unethical way. It is not part of a students responsibility to conduct an assessment of your faculty and at no time between admissions and registration for classes is such a responsibility communicated. You describe the process of registering early and viewing grades as some type of privilege that is to be given for successfully completing your surveys. Those are privileges that students have already earned by completing enough credit hours and otherwise being in good standing with the university. Your planned usage of an email every 3 days in any other situation could be called abusive.
        I will complete the surveys this semester, as I do every semester, but it is not because of your holds nor the "prize" of being able to view the grades that I have earned. I complete the surveys because I feel that it is important for students to give feedback on their instructors and the material in courses, it is part of how a university grows. I do however, believe that such a contribution should be voluntary and any results that are obtained through the types of coercion that you employ are tainted. It is not good scientific process to utilize any type of negative sanction to encourage participation in a survey or study of any kind. If you are having difficulty getting responses without such coercion, perhaps it is time to adapt your methods or perhaps adapt your surveys. The surveys are too lengthy and do not inspire a response. The surveys are quite daunting, especially for students who are in the middle of completing final assignments for courses or are in final preparations for graduation. I have attended five schools, two community colleges and three universities. FSU is the only institution at which I have had to tolerate threats of registration and records holds if course evaluations were not completed. To the best of my knowledge, the other four institutions have had no problem in getting student response.

    Sincerely,
    Curtis M. Kularski

    In Reply To:

    Dear Bronco:

    FSU is conducting an electronic version of the course and faculty evaluations to obtain your impression of the courses and faculty in which you are enrolled. You will receive a separate email notice for each class in which you are enrolled for 16 and second eight week courses.  Click on the link that will be provided in the email to access the survey and complete it for the specific class. You will be sent reminders every 3 days requesting your response until you have completed a survey for each class in which you are enrolled. Surveys will be sent to your Bronco campus email addresses starting Tuesday, November 30, 2010 at 8 a.m.  Those persons completing the survey early will be able to register early and to see their posted grades. Likewise those who do not complete the surveys will not be able to register early or see their posted grades.

    The system design automatically assigns a password to ensure your response and comments are kept confidential. Your candid responses will be used to improve instruction at FSU. Thank you for your participation.  If you have any questions or concerns, please contact me.

    Thank you,

  • Insomnia, Again

    I am starting to feel like I will never sleep again. I am awake working on a paper that I don’t really have to finish right now, but yet I know if I lay down, I will not sleep. I am not tired and have no desire to sleep. It is much too warm to sleep and I just do not have the calm required. I know I am not very functional, but yet sleep does not come. This whole thing is really starting to piss me off.