The Spring 2007 semester is now about 3 weeks old, and things seem to be going well. I am ahead of schedule in all of my classes and I’ve had a lot less absences than previous semesters. I am feeling very energetic and productive so far. I have a goal for this semester, to have a 4.0 semester GPA, that means I have to be the very best in all of my classes and get an A. I did it in my first semester at UNCC, so I should still be able to. I am planning to be extremely focused on academics this semester, and doing assignments with the most precision possible.
Questioning the Type of Person I Am
Am I a good person? Do I care about others? Do I do the harder things in life because its the right thing to do?
Due to a variety of events and emotions lately these things have become questions in my mind. To the first question I answer, no, I don’t think I’m a good person. I used to be a good person and I feel that I have the potential to be again, but it is going to take a lot of effort, starting with making things right with people who have encountered the wrong side of Curtis. Do I care about others? I’m not sure, but I do know that I have compassion for individuals who care about me, but lately, not even those special few have been exempt from having their feelings questioned. Do I always do the right thing? No, usually I do whatever is easiest for me. I started doing that at some point because I was too depressed or busy with other things to take the time to do the right things in my life. My only little bit of hope with this is that I still remember what the right thing is.
My answer to all of this? Start over. I’m going to take everything very slowly in my life for the next few weeks and try to resume relationships from where they were last good (and I guess just try to make peace with those that have been permanently destroyed).
I learned in my Interpersonal Communications course in 2004 that it is normal for people to have a different “presenting self” to everyone they encounter, but I fear that this has gone to an extreme in my life. I am sick of having to interact with everyone differently. Sure, I can interact with my family, out friends, in friends and new acquaintances in different ways, but its time for me to start closing those gaps, everyone in my life needs to know the same person. I don’t like feeling fake, but as long as everyone knows a different person when knowing me, thats all I can be.
I am a man on a mission, a mission to bring myself back into good standing with my friends, my family, and my enemies.
Quote: January 09, 2007
“Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.”
-EW Dijkstra
//Computer science existed long before computers, algorithmic operations have always been a part of our culture.
todo, v2_todo, or list
I’m starting to think that GITI is going to get a new module, “List”, a hybrid of v2_todo, notepad and just a general linked tree structure for storing information that isn’t very long.
This evening I realized that GITI’s v2_To Do module isn’t really used at all and isn’t really practice. The v2_ToDo module doesn’t even use due dates. I am planning to bring the old Todo code back from the dead, as well as its old database table and work to make the code better than it was and maybe change the table structure to make it more usable. The module used to be useful in GITI v1, even though it was kind of privative, but at least I used it.
Whats up?: January 07, 2007
At the moment I am freaking out. I just added assignments for my courses to GITI and I’m looking at due dates, looking at material, seeing that there are concepts here that I don’t understand, concepts that are beyond my present reach. I feel like I am drowning in assignments. GITI is limited to displaying 5 assignments, this used to be enough of a limitation to comfort me, but now I feel like I need some sort of “one thing at a time” view in GITI. Maybe I should rewrite Todo tonight, but what if it becomes even more useless and I am not able to make it help? Will it hurt the situation? Would it be a waste of time?
Oh, to complicate the situation even further, today has become a perfect day to sort things out in my life, things like friends, sexuality, hobbies, motivations, and pretty much every other thing that has daily interaction but almost no contemplation ever.
I am so fucking stressed right now, and as far as I can tell, its for no logical reason.
Whats up?: January 06, 2007
I got a lot of stuff done that I wanted to tonight, including working out some very weird logic for making the schedule display work correctly for multiple day events.
RT: January 06, 2007
Computer science students and professionals should be subjected to mandatory psychological evaluations after long periods of time working on logical code considerations.
Whats up?: January 06, 2007
“What are you up to Curt?”
I am currently working on teaching an old dog new tricks. I am once again working with GITI’s second oldest module, SCHEDULE. I am attempting to help the schedule module understand how to read multiple day events that may or may not occur on multiple days of the week (which requires the event be spread across multiple entries). This primarily effects classes, such as those occurring on Tuesday and Thursday. If I’m not in a coma when im finished, I might share some logic from this little adventure.
While i’m working on that, I am watching an Aaron Carter DVD. Isn’t it interesting how when he wears leather pants and a chainmail shirt it doesn’t look gay?
//this is a new feature to the blog. In times where my state is questioned several times per day, I will use this section to update my public on my status, at least until my status site is done, which is a totally different project… that somehow seems like it should be linked to this.
Happy New Year!
to all of those who have written and IMed and even those who haven’t gotten to it yet, Happy New Year.
Attempts At Self Expression
What do curtis.pcfire.net (previously curtis-m-kularski.info), claymentality.net, kularski.net, disturbingthoughts.net, curtis.kularski.net and [censored].net all have in common? Attempts at me expressing myself and sharing myself with the world. Some of these attempts have been successful (DisturbingThoughts, Clay Mentality), but others I’ve given up on. Now it seems like I am seeking to express myself more, but in a more intergrated way. A thought occured to me earlier when I was preparing a snack, why not use DisturbingThoughts for all of those things (baring thoughts of sexual perversion)? So from now on, things that are “article-like” in nature will occur on my blog (in appropriate categories) and things more significant will get their own sites or be intergrated into the existing sites.