Sometimes in life there comes a time when it will be necessary to override part of the self for the greater good of the entire self as well as the entire body.
For those of you not familar with Freudian structuralism theory, the self is composed of an ego (presenting personality and equalizer), id (natural desire) and super ego (an “ideal” self representation).
It has become painfully clear that my superego wants me to take as many credit hours as possible and maybe find a way to take more above the 18 hour limit. My ego is not that ambitious and is more lazy. I have to obey the ego and id only in this situation, the superego can have no bearing on my decision for courses for spring, it has done enough damage.
My super-ego is my representation of perfection or somewhere close to it, basicly the best Curtis I can be, which in this case has me ending as being “Dr. Curt” before year 2010. If I am going to fulfil that self I need to gain a lot of motivation really quickly. I don’t really want to have a PhD for any special reason, just to have it, to say that I accomplished something in my life.
In addition to scheduling courses besed on the super ego I have also been using criteria of what is “safe”. Courses that I might not excel at, such as anything with the prefix “MATH”. So instead of taking a major with some MATH courses that could potentially be fun and harmless I went with the major with lots of boring business courses. I avoided FBLA in high school as much as I could, but now im essentially running to the business brats because im a little scared of MATH and STAT courses. This isn’t how my life should be. I should be in the major I want to be in, the one I know I will love, without fear of the few math courses that I need, its not like I have to have something stupid like Differential Equations. I can deal with MATH courses that have “Linear” in the title, things like “Exponential”, “Complex” and “Advanced” scare me, but my major of choice doens’t require any of those, just a few simple programming-related MATH courses and one STAT course (I enjoyed high school statistics, i think i can handle it). There is no reason for me to run from math anymore. I took Deductive Logic partially to familarize myself with formal thinking, which is helpful in many forms of math. On this early January morning I declare a challenge to my super ego; I challenge thee to take on the obstacles and to overcome them to succeed in fulfilling the dreams of the ego which thou serves.
There is no need for me to take an 18 hour or more course load to accomplish my goals in a timely fasion. I am still young, I have many good years ahead of me to deal with my goals and make my dreams come true, but if I let a few courses stand in my way I will never be happy.